septembertwentytwenty

explaining my own self through metaphors about food comes from a deeper place. a place of questioning my worth. i do not doubt of people liking me, i know i am a good time, a good friend and a good date. but, i feel like that approval just comes to me in order of me previously always providing something beautiful or amusing. a transaction. quirkiness is my way of asking permission to exist. most of the time i lie to everyone saying i do not care, but deep down i feel like i owe beauty and wit to everyone around me. as if i am not worthy just by existing, i need to pay in cash with my soul to exist. food represents that, a reason to be eaten, to be looked at, to be wanted. offer something, my own existence is not enough.

i always wanted to be the most tempting croissant. i wonder if i will ever free myself from me. i kinda hope not.